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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28106469">The hurt of the world</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orangeandtang/pseuds/orangeandtang'>orangeandtang</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Banana Fish (Anime &amp; Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Okumura Eiji Needs a Hug</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 22:08:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,197</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28106469</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orangeandtang/pseuds/orangeandtang</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur and Golzine make Ash pay for his defiance by getting to Eiji. Ash must build Eiji back up and attempt to bring back the person Golzine broke.</p><p>*On hold*</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ash Lynx &amp; Okumura Eiji, Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>322</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Not part of the shows universe. The only part that kind of lines up is the party from episode 20. Other than that it's not tied to it. Also Arthur is alive.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>His mind was a haze as he awoke. Muffled sounds of hushed voices and the ocean? Entered his ears. The throbbing pain in his temple brought Eiji to reality, slowly opening his eyes. As he tipped his head up, he surveyed his surroundings and found he was in a warehouse, mostly dark and musty smelling with the setting sun's rays pouring through the cracks in the wood panels. He could feel something drip down from where his temple throbbed and attempted to stop it only to find his hands above him.</p><p>The rope holding his hands tightly above him had been tied to the rafters overhead, cutting deeply into Eiji’s wrists and putting immense pressure on his shoulders. The more his vision became clear the more he realized he was hanging from the rope with his feet just barely touching the ground. He started to panic, fingers trembling and breath coming out in short pants, and began to squirm trying to loosen the rope. His grunts came out in muffles causing Eiji to realize there was tape over his mouth.</p><p>“Good morning Kitten, you had us worried we hit you too hard.” Eiji froze at the voice. He could hear his ears ringing and chest heaving, reacting to the voice behind him. His eyes began to water slightly at the sound of footsteps coming towards him, trying hard to turn his head but found himself shaking at the hands on his hips. “Now now no need to get so worked up.”</p><p>Arthur’s sneering grin came into Eiji’s view and shook him to his core. Eiji kicked his legs, attempting to get Arthur’s hands off his hips as a tear fell down his cheek. He could hear the blond male laugh at him and as soon as it started it ended. Arthur’s grin fell as he wrapped an arm around Eiji’s waist, pulling him to his chest, while his other hand pulled a gun from his waistband. Eiji grunted at the strain on his shoulders as he was pulled forward. The gun tapped on Eiji’s cheek and then was pressed to his uninjured temple.</p><p>“I hope you don’t plan on being a problem Kitten, I wouldn’t want to deliver Dino any damaged goods,” his cold voice ripped through Eiji causing the boy to whimper in the blond’s hold. Arthur grinned again at Eiji’s fear and dragged the gun down his face, stopping at his neck. Eiji’s eyes closed as he tried to calm his stuttering breath, clawing its way in and out of his nose. “Now, how rude of me. Let’s get that tape off before you forget how to breathe.”</p><p>Arthur ripped the tape from Eiji’s mouth, causing the boy to whimper again as the tall blond let him go, stepping back. Eiji swayed slightly but stopped as he put his toes to the ground.</p><p>“W-what do you want Arthur?”</p><p>“Oh many things Kitten but I do love making Ash squirm. And what better way than taking the only thing he cares about.” Arthur sat back on a table behind him as he spoke, eyeing Eiji up and down like he was a meal.</p><p>“Haven’t you done enough? You've taken so much from him already. Are you truly that threatened by him?” Eiji barked back. The blond was back on him in a second, a knife pressed to Eiji’s neck deep enough to draw blood. Eiji looked down at Arthur definitely as his hand pulled at his dark hair, his temple dripping blood at the strain. The boy tried to put on a brave front, not wanting to show Arthur how much he scared him, but on the inside he trembled like a leaf. Fully aware of how Arthur could kill him with one slice of the knife.</p><p><em>Be brave like Ash. Get back to Ash, don’t let him be alone.</em> Eiji thought.</p><p>“Threatened you say?” Arthur whispered, causing Eiji’s skin to crawl. His knife left Eiji‘s neck bloodied and moved towards the collar of his sweater, tearing the fabric ever so slightly as he turned it. “I see why Ash keeps you around, though annoying, you have a spark that just screams to be extinguished. Tell me, has he fucked you yet?” Eiji froze at Arthur’s words biting his lip to stay calm. He can’t yell at this guy with a knife mear inches from his throat.</p><p>Without warning Arthur began to drag the knife down cutting not only through Eiji’s sweater but also his chest. Eiji screamed at the pain as Arthur stopped near his belly button, the top part of his chest dripping with blood.</p><p>“I asked you a question Kitten,” Eiji closed his eyes once again not only at the pain but at the nickname. “You know, Dino doesn’t like defiant pets. Can’t wait to see how he breaks that out of you.” Arthur seemed as if he was gonna say more but was halted at the sound of a phone buzzing on the table behind him. He snapped and a large man brought the phone to him. His free hand gripped back through Eiji’s hair like a vice causing the boy to look up with a gasp.</p><p>“What a-are you..”</p><p>“Your phone has been ringing for hours now Kitten. Seems like Ash is really worried about you,” Arthur’s sneer was back as he showed Eiji his phone. Eiji began to panic, not wanting Ash to hear him.</p><p>“No wait please!” He started to thrash around as Arthur answered the phone.</p><p>“Eiji! Eiji! Are you there?” He could hear Ash call for him over the phone.</p><p>“Ash, I-I’m sorry, I...” his voice was cut off as another person behind him wrapped a hand around his mouth. The hand smelled strongly of tobacco and made Eiji gag. His muffled cries echoed through the warehouse as tears pooled down his face.</p><p>“Eiji!” Ash’s voice screamed.</p><p>“Now Ash, how long it’s been and you don’t even have the decency to say hello,” Arthur grinned, watching as Eiji bucked trying to get the man behind him off. Eiji could hear sounds of Ash yelling at Arthur but his ears were ringing at his attempts to fight.</p><p>He let out a muffled scream as the man behind him wrapped a large arm around his torso, lifting his feet off the ground and somewhat holding him. His arm squeezed across his cut on his chest and caused Eiji’s vision to go spotted.</p><p>“Stop fighting you little fuck,” the man’s voice whispered in his ear. Eiji began to still as Arthur’s voice got closer to him.</p><p>“...any advice he should hear? This will be the last time you can talk to him before we hand him over to Dino.” Arthur thrusted the phone near Eiji’s head with a smirk.</p><p>“Eiji? Eiji, please listen I’m gonna get you out of there I promise. I’m not leaving you, whatever they tell you I’m going to get you back I promise. I’m not gonna leave you.” Eiji could only give a muffled sob as a response as the phone was pulled away again. Whatever Arthur said next to Ash was cut off from Eiji’s ears as something sharp was jammed into his back. He could feel something get injected into him as he screamed out in pain, the man’s hand tightening around his mouth.</p><p>The world around him began to haze, sounds muffling around him. He could feel his head start to fall forward and the man behind him let him go.</p><p>“Ash,” he whispered, his mouth feeling as though there were cotton in it. The last thing he heard before his vision went dark was Ash’s broken sob of his name.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please bear in mind that sexual assault is mentioned and lightly explained in this chapter. If you are sensitive to these themes please be advised. Ps I'm not very good at writing smut so I just decide not to go into much detail</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next time Eiji woke up he was more terrified than he had been his whole life. Aside from blinking his eyes he couldn’t move, his body was limp and ignored every command he gave to move, most likely due to whatever was injected into his shoulder. He was stuck in Dino’s main suite and sprawled out on the bed as if someone had just thrown him in there. Eiji was thankful that at least he still had clothes on at the moment, not being able to face what was looking to inevitably happen just yet.</p><p>He could feel his eyes water as he thought about Ash. How scared he must have felt in the same situation. The coolness of some stray tears startled him as they ran down his cheeks and onto the satin sheets under him.</p><p>“Don’t be scared just yet pet, the fun hasn’t even begun,” Eiji internally flinched at the sound of Dino opening the door and walking in. He could only feel how the bed dipped as Dino crawled above him. All he can manage is a small whimper, looking up at the man who was only a couple inches from his face.</p><p>“You know, most times I have clients interested in much younger boys but you are very pretty. Might be worth something after I’m done with you.” Dino spoke as he turned Eiji from his side onto his back.</p><p>“P-please,” Eiji whispered as Dino began spreading the already ripped parts of his sweater away so he could have access to his chest. The large man's fingers ran up and down his cut skin, covering them in blood.</p><p>“No tears just yet pretty boy,” Dino sneered at him. His hands came down on both of Eiji’s cheeks, wiping the tears as they fell. He could feel the warmth of his own blood on his face and tried not to gag. Eiji gasped as his hands left his cheeks and settled down at his belt buckle. “Feel free to scream, makes it more entertaining.” Dino slipped his hand lower and grabbed Eiji’s crotch causing the boy to yelp. He shut his eyes as Dino removed his pants and underwear.</p><p>He begged to whoever would listen that Ash would come soon. He tried to distance himself, remove himself mentally from the situation. That however did not seem to satisfy Dino as he wrapped his hands around Eiji’s neck, squeezing hard.</p><p>“Come on little bird, I want you to sing for me,” Dino growled out pushing harder on Eiji’s windpipe.</p><p>“P-please...I can’t,” Eiji could feel as more hot tears rolled down his cheeks. He wasn’t strong, not like Ash. He couldn’t fight like he could.<em> I'm just useless.</em> Eiji thought.</p><p>“Are you gonna sing for Papa Dino?” His voice was sharp, threatening as Eiji choked.</p><p>“Y-yes.”</p><p>“Yes what?”</p><p>“Ye-yes P-p-papa,” he whispered. As soon as the hands were there they were gone from his throat as Eiji was flipped roughly to his stomach. He screamed as Dino thrusted himself into him, each time going deeper and tearing more of him inside.</p><p>He had never felt pain likes this. Everytime Dino thrusted into him he screamed. Screamed Ash’s name, Ibe’s, random japanese, anything to expel his pain. At one point Dino gripped the back of Eiji’s neck for more leverage causing the boy to choke. He could tell Dino was getting to the end as a warm liquid spilled inside of him. And as Dino pulled out the pain became ten times worse for Eiji, so many different fluids leaking onto the sheets.</p><p>“It's too bad Ash never got the chance with you, Rabbit. I figured I would have taught him better but I guess he was just saving you for me.” Dino smiled as he turned Eiji back onto his back, lifting him into a sitting position. “Tell me, do you resent him for giving you to me?” He stroked Eiji’s wet cheek as he spoke.</p><p>“H-he didn’t leave m-me here,” Eiji whispered.</p><p>“Ah yes because he always chooses you. That’s why he killed his best friend, for a boy he barely knows.” Eiji bit his lip in guilt but fired back.</p><p>“T-that was your do-doing. You forced him to ki-kill Shorter, you..” Eiji was cut off as Dino’s fist cracked across his face, sending the boy to the side. He could feel his lip start to bleed as it split and glanced back up at Dino.</p><p>“He made a choice to disobey and now he will face the consequences,” Dino whispered in his ear as he lifted Eiji back into a sitting position. He then pulled out his massive cock right in front of Eiji’s face, the boy closing his eyes in protest. “Now, be a good little pet and suck.”</p><p>~^~</p><p>“You proved to be a good fuck,” Dino laughed beginning to change as Eiji layed limp in the bed. “I wish I could stay longer but I have other things to care for. Don’t worry though, I will be back tonight pet.” He groped his hands over Eiji’s hips and the small on his back before leaving, locking the door behind him.</p><p>Eiji’s body felt like it was on fire. His eyes were slightly glazed over, looking around numbly as more tears spilled. His hands had been bound by his own belt as punishment for trying, when he began to get some movement back, to stop Dino from inserting himself into him for a second round. His throat throbbed from where Dino had strangled him and it was hard to swallow the bile in his throat.</p><p>He knew he should probably move but found no point in it. Dino was gonna return and Eiji would have to endure that pain all over again. He could still taste Dino in his mouth and barely made it to the side of the bed before he threw up. Eiji’s body racked with sobs as he gagged until nothing came out.</p><p>“A-Ash…” he whispered. He wanted to go home. He wanted to see Ash.</p><p>Eiji shivered as the taste in his mouth never ceased. He could only watch as the sun slowly set outside, the orange colors reflecting in his hazy eyes.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>There will not be an official update schedule however due to the holidays I'm hoping to have more updates since I have so much free time. Thank you for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Ash was racked with nerves and guilt. It had been about two weeks since his call with Arthur and he knew the longer Eiji stayed with Dino the more he was taking Eiji from this world. Ash would never wish what he went through on anyone, especially Eiji.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll get him back Ash,” Max stated, resting a hand on his shoulder. Ash would have given anything to rush into Dino’s mansion, guns blazing the moment he got the call but he knew he couldn’t. He couldn't go in alone and he wasn’t gonna risk Max’s life if it was just the two of them. He had to play it smart. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reaching out to Cain and Sing had been more of Alex’s idea but Ash would do anything to get Eiji back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know we will. I plan on it. Sing what have you been able to figure out from Yut-Lung?” He turned towards the younger boy, hiding the tremble in his voice well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“According to him, Golzine is hosting a large event to celebrate his tax evasion victories. It will be hard to gauge whether or not he will show Eiji off to the public but with the large event it will be easier for us to slip in without too much suspicion.” Ash nodded as Sing spoke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We will only have a small window so we can’t screw this up,” Alex announced. Ash just watched everyone silently.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Please Eiji, I need you to hold on one more day.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>~^~</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ash could feel his anger boiling as he served all these rich snobs their drinks. The gun at his hip just ached to be fired but he couldn't until he found Eiji. He remembered parties like these with Golzine, the fear that slowly melted from Ash over the years just so he could survive. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He glanced over at Bones who seemed to sense his unease and shook his head ever so slightly. Ash understood and kept serving drinks, not wanting to let his emotions get too far yet. Just as a lady in a plum colored dress grabbed a drink off his tray the grand doors opened, revealing Dino Golzine but more importantly Eiji.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ash’s eyes narrowed as he studied him. At least he was walking. However the longer he looked the worse it got. Eiji's eyes were the first thing he noticed, they were glazed over and his pupils were huge but more importantly they didn’t hold Eiji. They didn’t sparkle like they usually did. Ash also noticed the hesitation in his steps, almost as if he wanted to run but his body wouldn’t let him. He stood close to Golzine and Ash frowned at just how close he was. His skin was sickly pale and it was clear that makeup was being used to cover any visible damage done to him behind closed doors.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Looking over to Bones again he gestured towards Eiji. The redhead's eyes widened but he nodded. Ash swiftly pulled out his gun as Sing burst through the double doors, his own gang firing into the air. There was so much noise around them and people scrambled to find somewhere safe. Ash’s eyes scanned everywhere for Eiji and landed on him in a back corner at a small table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dino!” Ash yelled pointing his gun at the man. Golzine only smirked as he brought Eiji close to his chest, a knife threatening to cut his neck with one slice. What worried Ash is that Eiji didn’t even react to it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, isn’t it nice to have my favorite whore back again,” Dino sneered out. “Got enough focus to shoot that gun straight or are you going to let me have this rabbit for more nights.” Ash’s hands shook as he watched Dino run his hands through Eiji’s hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ash!” Bones yelled as he pushed his back against his, protecting his blind spots. Closing his eyes for a second, Ash calmed himself, aiming the gun at Dino’s head and firing. The man fell limp onto the table seconds later and dropped the Japanese boy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eiji!” Ash was already running to him as he fell. His hands barely caught the boy’s head before it hit the ground. “Eiji?” He moved the boy into his lap, pushing his dark hair back to look at his face. Not getting a response right away, Ash slowly rubbed a finger under Eiji’s right eye and massaged the puffed skin. The boy let out a whimper at the touch and slowly looked up at Ash.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-As-Ash,” Eiij let out a broken and slightly slurred whisper. Up close Ash could see a dark purple bruise around Eiji’s neck, once hidden by the collar of his dress shirt. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh Eiji.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, I’m gonna get you out of here. Okay?” Eiji said nothing as Ash lifted him into his arms, carrying the boy bridal style. Bones covered him as they ran towards Cain, Eiji swaying limply in Ash’s arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did they do?” Ash glanced up at Cain as the taller man spoke. The man’s eyes were wide with a fear he had never seen before as he looked down at Eiji. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not completely sure what it is, but they obviously drugged him up enough so he couldn’t leave,” Ash gritted his teeth as he spoke. He couldn’t dare to look down at Eiji again until they were safe in the sewer tunnels, knowing that if he did he wouldn’t be able to stop his tears. He glanced up at Sing on the ladder as he listened for footsteps to run by. It was tense for a while but everyone could breath once the footsteps overhead left.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eiji…” Ash sighed as he finally got the courage to look down at the Japanese boy. His eyes now sat closed with a thick layer of sweat coating his face. Ash couldn’t help as his eyes began to water as he looked at Eiji's slender and sickly frame. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ash?” The man in question looked up at Alex, the boy's eyes filled with sympathy. Alex shrugged off his jean jacket and laid it over Eiji as the boy shivered in Ash’s arms. Ash sniffed once before standing not allowing his tears to fall. He nodded gratefully towards Alex and turned away from the gangs in front of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s get him home,” Ash gripped Eiji tighter in his arms as he walked down the tunnel, attempting to ignore the eyes on his back.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello! Thank you for all your nice comments, I truly love reading them every time a new chapter comes out.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was hard for Ash to focus. The glasses on his face caused his head to throb and the light from his computer didn’t help. The boy massaged his temples as he sat curled on the couch, trying desperately to not think about the broken boy still sleeping in the back bedroom. It had been over 24 hours since Ash brought him back to the large condo. Ash knew it was the drugs making the boy sleep for so long but it still didn’t settle his nerves any better.</p><p>He glanced down at the newspaper that sat on the glass coffee table, the headline boring into Ash’s soul. </p><p><b>MILLIONAIRE DON FOUND DEAD AFTER CELEBRATING TAX EVASION: Julie Anderson getting the low down of his life behind the scenes</b> </p><p>He wished on everything he had that he could have made Dino suffer more for what he had done to Eiji. These reporters could pretend like they had the inside scoop on Dino Golzine’s life but only Ash knew what that man could do.</p><p> <em> And now Eiji. </em> Ash thought bitterly as he looked at the closed door of the back bedroom. </p><p>~^~</p><p>Eiji’s eyes hurt as they opened. His whole body felt heavy and he dreaded the feeling of sheets under him. His breaths came out sharp and shallow as he glanced around the room, not recognizing it as anything he had seen in Dino’s mansion. He could feel himself start to sit up as more panic made its way into his brain.</p><p>
  <em> Where am I? Did I do something? Is Dino having someone else deal out his punishment? </em>
</p><p>All kinds of thoughts ran through Eiji’s mind as his eyes kept scanning the room. He could feel tears forming but his gaze stopped on something familiar on a shelf. A picture of Ash, Shorter and him in the bed of a truck from their cross country trip to California. Eiji let out a sob as he realized he was in his and Ash’s shared condo.</p><p>He pulled his knees up to his chest, the blankets falling at the movement, and buried his face into them. He couldn’t help the hiccups that slowly made their way up his throat as his tears started to fall. He could feel his body shaking, the strain on his sore joints not being helped by how he sat. The cold breeze of the door being opened halted his sobs and Eiji didn’t dare move.</p><p>“Eiji?” Ash’s voice whispered into the room as he slowly walked in, staying near the door to give the Japanese boy space. The boy in question sniffed before slowly looking up, his eyes not meeting Ash’s.</p><p>“H-how...how long?” He breathed out.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“How long was I there?” Eiji questioned, tightening his grip on his legs. Ash clenched his fist at the question. He had planned on talking to Eiji about everything but not this soon, not after he just woke up. He sighed trying to think of what to tell him.</p><p>“Two weeks. Eiji I-I’m so sorry,” he began to walk towards the boy on the bed, reaching a slow hand out to him. “I should have…” </p><p>“Don’t!” Eiji yelled out, halting Ash where he stood. When he looked at the Japanese boy he noticed that his gaze finally came up from his lap and rested on where Ash’s hand was slightly stretched towards him.</p><p>“Eiji, I…”</p><p>“Don’t! I...Ash please I c-can’t. I can barely stand t-the...the thought of you looking at me, much less…” he cut himself off as he kept his eyes trained on Ash’s hand. Ash’s heart broke at Eiji’s words, putting his hand back by his side. </p><p>“It’s okay Eiji, I understand. D-do you want me to make you anything?” Ash gazed down at the boy in hope. Eiji opened his mouth to speak again but found his words stuck on his tongue, choosing to give a small nod instead. Ash couldn’t help but shudder at the way Eiji flinched as he was waiting for his request of food to be denied. “Alright, I can do that. Do you want to come to the kitchen with me?” Ash didn’t want to force Eiji to leave the bed.</p><p>Eiji started to tremble again. <em> Stop, it’s Ash, you’re being ridiculous. </em></p><p>He could feel his thoughts arguing with themselves, part of him wanting nothing more than to have Ash hold him and never let him go. While the other couldn’t even bear the thought of it. His head hurt with his thoughts overwhelming him.</p><p>“Eiji?” He could hear Ash whisper his name but it felt almost distant, like he wasn’t fully there. Without warning he shot from the bed, whimpering a quiet apology to Ash as he ran to the bathroom and locked the door behind him. </p><p>Eiji could hear Ash’s footsteps move towards the door but he stayed silent. Pushing his forehead against the door, Eiji sniffed.</p><p>“Ash, I-I’m sorry, I c-can’t…” Eiji didn’t even know what to say. <em> Ash doesn’t deserve this, he’s been through worse and you’re just hurting him more. </em> The voice in Eiji’s head sneered at him coldly.</p><p>“Eiji, it’s alright, I’m gonna make some soup. Okay?” And with that Ash left leaving the bedroom door open a crack to show Eiji that he could come out if he wanted but he didn’t have to.</p><p>Meanwhile the Japanese boy felt like he was going to burst. The pain in his chest increased as Ash left and the thoughts in his head got louder. His nails dug deep into the upper parts of his arms and his breath came out in hot huffs. Looking at the shower he decided that at least a little part of him needed to get clean. With a sigh he turned the shower on, the hot temperature fogging up the bathroom in seconds.</p><p>As he stepped in the quick thought of his clothes came to mind, but he decided to leave them on. He just desperately wanted to feel something. He could still smell the gel Dino’s maids put through his hair for the party and his skin felt sticky from the leftover makeup.</p><p>Tears began to fall down his cheeks once more just thinking about that mansion. His sobs threatened to rip out of his mouth as bile burned in his throat. He could still feel Dino’s hot breath in his ears and down his spine, causing the boy to grip his hands tightly on both sides of his head.</p><p>
  <em> “You look ravishing pet,” Dino whispered into his ear as his hands stroked the side of Eiji’s face. The boy could barely process anything, the edges of his vision clouded and sounds muffled. After having been made up and dressed to perfection he had been shoved into a chair, hands holding him down all over. A man in a white lab coat then proceeded to inject two needles into his upper arm and one straight into his temple. Eiji could feel the liquid burn behind his eyes as the drugs took their course, his fight leaving him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Now he stood in front of a window, with Dino rubbing his hands up and down his body, taunting him with the view of the outside world. Eiji could see his reflection but decided to focus on the fuzzy outline of a cherry blossom. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “If you behave tonight, there might be a reward later,” Dino turned Eiji to face him, his lips still near his ear. Suddenly, his aggressive lips slammed into Eiji’s, biting at them and turning them a bright red. “This party is very important to me and I would hate for you to ruin it.” Dino whispered into his mouth.  </em>
</p><p>A soft knock brought him back to the real world.</p><p>“Eiji? I’m leaving the food on the nightstand. Are you alright?” Ash could hear his sobs from the kitchen and wanted to bust the door down and hold Eiji until his sadness went away. However he knew he couldn’t.</p><p>Behind the locked door, Eiji covered his mouth to muffle a sob before responding to the blond.</p><p>“I’m...I-I’m fine Ash. Thank you.” Turning off the water, Eiji stepped out of the shower and created puddles where he stood. The burning bile was still lingering in his throat and Eiji wanted the taste to leave. He glanced at the toilet before sitting in front of it. The next thing he knew his fingers were down his throat trying to expel the taste. Nothing came up at first but he finally got the hot liquid out of his throat and into the bowl. </p><p>He was left shaking after, leaning his back against the wall behind him. No matter what he did he couldn’t get rid of the taste Dino left in his mouth. Eiji closed his eyes, struggling to catch his breath.</p><p>
  <em> I just want it all to go away. Please! </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So I know traditionally most writers don't update everyday but I love writing this story and your guys' comments make me want to write new parts all the time. At the point of this chapter's upload I already have chapter 5 half done and 6 planned out lol. Can't wait to add more parts to this story. Thank you for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey guys ! Here is a long one for this week. I don’t plan on putting out anything else until after Christmas so I hope you enjoy! Also thank you to Izzy for suggesting the idea of Yut-Lung’s perspective in this story.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“So the Lynx finally did it,” Yut-Lung's smooth voice floated over top of the newspaper he held. As he set it down on the desk in front of him he glanced up to Blanca, stone cold as ever. “And what do you think of all this? Surely even you can say he was reckless.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“From my understanding he did it for that boy. Though even then, he almost let his emotions over take him in the moment,” Blanca responded thoughtfully. Yut-Lung stirred a spoon of honey in his tea as he looked up at the man, a scowl etched into his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All for him? Why?” The Chinese boy slammed the spoon to the table, shaking his cup.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Love for another isn’t linear, sometimes it can’t even be defined perfectly. Even you can understand what that feels like.” Blanca pushed himself from the wall as he spoke. Looking the boy up and down, the man felt he resembled a cornered cat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do not pity me. Besides, Ash Lynx does not know what love feels like, how would he in our world?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Our?” The man’s eyebrow raised. “Are you trying to say you empathize with him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Call it what you must if you need a label,” Yut-Lung stood as he spoke, wrapping a green velvet coat around his slender frame as he walked towards the door. “I am simply pointing out both of our losses of love early on in life. Something that boy has never experienced.” His hand hovered on the doorknob.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And if he has?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” The Chinese boy froze, half way in the door frame and half out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“From my experience, a loss like yours or Ash’s, it can happen at any time. When the trust that love can be your savior is ripped from you, it can leave a hole. We never expect to lose something we put hope into. Something we think will last forever.” Blanca looked down grimly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That boy will never know the real pain of anyone in our world, not Ash’s, not your’s, and not mine.” With that Yut-Lung left, closing the door with swift frustration but not slamming it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>~^~</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ash sat curled in the puffy chair besides the couch in the living room. The tv turned to some action movie he was barley watching, the volume low enough to the point that it almost wasn’t audible. He tried his best not to glance at the person occupying the couch next to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took two days to get Eiji to even leave the bedroom but it didn’t excite the blond when he noticed he wasn’t sleeping, deciding to just camp out in the living room with heavy eyes. Eiji’s nightmares became a regular occurrence over the nights and in Eiji’s words, “I’m woken up more than I’m actually sleeping.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ash knew it was dangerous, the Japanese boy needed sleep to heal his physical wounds, but the slumber just made his mental wounds worse. The blond had had the quick thought of picking up sleepy pills but knew the last thing he could do to Eiji was drug him after everything he had already been through. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He already doesn’t trust me very much as it is.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Ash’s thoughts were interrupted by the quiet buzz of his phone. He was glad Ibe had remembered not to ring the doorbell, terrified it would scare Eiji. The blond stood with a sigh and finally looked at the Japanese boy. He was curled in a ball on his side, eyes sat half open and glazed over with a sleepy haze, a fuzzy blanket tucked tightly around him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ibe’s here, I’m only gonna be gone for an hour. I promise,” His voice was quiet as he spoke and Eiji only nodded slowly. With that Ash grabbed a coat and went to meet Ibe in the hall, shutting the door with a soft click.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, how is he?” The man asked, glancing at Ash and then at the condo door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want my honest answer? Or the one Eiji wants you to hear?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yours.” Ibe shifted uncomfortably. It had been painful and terrifying everyday Eiji was missing and not seeing him after he came home made the man worry deeply. He knew it was best after what the boy went through but even then, he didn’t know the details of what happened with Golzine. No one did, aside from Ash, but even the blond still didn’t know the full extent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s been having bad nightmares over the past four days and two days ago he decided he just wasn’t going to sleep anymore. Started laying out in the living room. Aside from that he refuses my touch and hardly eats. I’m sorry Ibe.” Ash looked down in shame.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ash I don’t blame you. This does however bring up a serious question. Do I take him home?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ibe…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He was supposed to go home a long time ago, we both were. But now, I wonder if it’s even possible. From everything you just told me there’s no way he can sit on a plane for hours on end, much less walk through the airport.” The man ran a hand through his hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ibe you can’t make this magically go away, the last thing he needs is to be forced into a stressful environment. He needs to be allowed to make the decision for himself and he doesn’t need another person choosing what he does.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ash could feel his anger bubbling up and wasn’t completely sure who it was directed at. He planned on protecting Eiji for as long as he possibly could and though he knew Ibe meant well, he also knew it probably was the worst thing for the Japanese boy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I understand Ash, I won’t bring it up to him. Is there anything you want me to do for him while you’re gone?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just sit with him, maybe try getting him to eat but don’t force him. Don’t let him see anything on the news. They’ve had stories circling about Dino for days.” Ash was caught off guard as Ibe wrapped him in a tight hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for taking care of him Ash,” the man pulled away and wiped at his misty eyes. Before the blond could say anything the man slipped into the condo. Ash being left stunned but his heart a bit lighter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>~^~</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ash grumbled to himself, regretting not taking an umbrella before leaving to meet up with Alex. The two had been working out different plans, including hunting down Arthur and keeping tabs on the surrounding gangs, as the down poor began. He practically sprinted back to the condo to get warm and see Eiji. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He texted Ibe as he approached the door. Ash hoped the man would leave the condo soon so he could enter. They had both agreed that until Eiji was feeling more comfortable around others it was best to limit the number of people he was in a room with at a time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ash shoes squished under him as he fidgeted, stepping in place to get warm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey.” Ibe’s quiet voice brought his attention back. The man was shifting on his raincoat and holding an umbrella. “I’ll give it back the next time I visit,” Ibe said sheepishly as he saw Ash glance down at the umbrella.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh no it’s fine. I just envy you for being smarter than me,” the blond let out a light chuckle and squeezed part of his dripping bangs for emphasis. “How did it go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine, we didn’t talk. He fell asleep about an hour ago.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” Ash was more than relieved to hear the Japanese boy was finally sleeping, even if it had only been an hour.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I just left him on the couch. I was worried I would wake him up if I tried to move him,” the man looked down sadly. Ash wasn’t really sure what possessed him to do it but after seeing Ibe’s face, he gripped the man tightly in his arms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna get him through this.” At Ash’s words the man hugged him back. They both stood in the hall for another minute before Ibe left, allowing Ash to finally enter the condo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he entered he could hear Eiji’s deep breathing and smiled at how he was still sleeping. He decided to change out of his wet clothes and put on dry ones, tiptoeing behind the couch. Once he finished he wasn’t really sure what to do. It was almost 7 so he could make food but didn’t know if he should make anything for Eiji. They already had enough leftovers from things he didn’t eat in the fridge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ash just decided on tea for the moment, wanting desperately to warm up. As he filled up the kettle and set it on the burner a distressed mumble caught his attention. Leaving the burner on medium he walked around the counter and settled in front of the couch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eiji was starting to move, the blanket already on the floor. Tears were making their way down his cheeks as he let out a quiet yelp. Ash bit his lip and reached a hesitant hand out, not completely sure if he should touch the boy or not. After another pained yelp he set his hand down, massaging his thumb on Eiji’s shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eiji,” he spoke in a hushed tone. As if a switch flipped the Japanese boy sat up with a scream. His eyes bounced around frantically until they settled on Ash. He shuddered from the blond’s touch and shrugged his hand off. “Eiji, are you alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” Eiji’s blunt answer took the blond back. Ignoring the way Ash flinched the Japanese boy stood, walking into the kitchen to grab some water. His hands shook heavily and Ash worried the glass would fall out of his hand as Eiji grabbed it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Meanwhile, Eiji turned on the water, glancing at the large windows outside. The rain fell heavy against it and the grey tint hid most of the city below. He could feel his glass over fill onto his hand as a cold feeling washed over him. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The bath tub had been filled with ice and cold water. It almost seemed laughable at first when Eiji saw it, knowing he used to take ice baths all the time as a pole vaulter. But under Golzine’s roof he saw no relief in it. He found himself once again unable to fully see due to whatever was in the food they forced him to eat.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Do you know why you’re here pet?” Dino’s large hand gripped Eiji’s shoulder tightly as he spoke. The boy in question shivered at the strength and refused to look at the man. Of course he knew what was most likely going on but didn’t want to answer.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He had refused to shower in front of Dino after the man had his way with Eiji for the fifth time that week. Everything hurt and Eiji just wanted a moment without those perverted eyes looking all over his body. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He was snapped out of his silence as he was thrown into the tub. The cold water prickled at his body and his ears rang as his head slammed to the bottom. He could feel Dino’s hand around his neck but this time the Japanese boy panicked more. Not only was he being choked again but he was submerged in freezing water.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He could feel his head rolling as he tried to get out of the man’s hold, his black hair floating in front of his eyes. His throat burned as he sucked in water. Eiji felt like he was dying.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Before he knew it he was pulled up out of the water by his throat, Dino’s hands remained but loosened as he choked.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“When I ask you a question, you answer Rabbit,” Eiji could barely hear him over the sound of his own coughing and desperately sucked in air. Just as his coughing settled down he was forced back under. His lungs burned, screaming at him to fill with air. Golzine’s words were muffled above him but Eiji could see his red face as he slammed the boy into the bottom of the tub. Over and over again. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Black spots invaded his vision with every slam and the boy’s strength began to leave him as he sucked in a breath</span>
  </em>
  <span>...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eiji!” The Japanese boy let out a strangled gasp, dropping his glass into the sink. Ash got up from the couch and ran to him. As he approached the boy's frame shook and breathing rattled. “C-can I...” Ash held up his arms hesitantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Japanese boy took in a shuddering breath before launching himself into Ash’s arms. Ash held him tight as Eiji began to sob into his shoulder, grateful that he was letting him hold him. The blond gently pushed them both to the floor, turning off the burner the kettle sat on. Ash rested his back against the cabinet and guided Eiji more into his lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “It’s okay, it’s alright, just breathe Eiji,” the blond put one hand to the boy’s dark hair and stroked it, holding him tighter. Ash rocked Eiji back and forth as his sobs grew louder and his face burrowed further his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-why did you take so...so long?” Eiji sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Ash tightened his grip on the boy. He already knew this was probably coming but it still hurt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“While I w-was hurting and h-he...he was...you didn’t come! I was so s-scared and you didn’t come!” He could feel Eiji hitting his shoulder as he spoke, no real power behind it but that’s what his words made up for. “I waited everyday for you b-but,” the boy couldn’t continue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eiji, I’m sorry. All I did was look for you. I’m sorry it wasn’t enough,” Ash could feel tears in his eyes and buried his face into Eiji’s hair. “I’m so sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eiji whimpered at his words, clutching Ash’s shirt like a lifeline. He cried for several minutes so hard there’s a point Ash thinks he will make himself sick. The blond just sat there, rubbing circles on his back and massaging his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve got you Eiji. Let it out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Eiji’s sobs became quiet whimpers his body began to sag.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m s-sorry Ash,” the boy looked up at him with tired eyes. The blond knew why he was apologizing but Ash didn’t blame him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He’s right. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Ash thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, it’s okay. Don’t apologize,” Ash rubbed a finger on his cheek to wipe Eiji’s tears and looked at his tired eyes. “Let’s get you to bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ash picked Eiji up with ease, seeing how the boy hadn’t been eating much, and carried him to the bedroom. As soon as Eiji was laid in the bed he snuggled into the blankets. Ash turned off the light and began to head towards the door before a hand on his wrist stopped him. Eiji looked up at him with pleading eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you stay?” His voice was quiet, afraid of rejection but Ash simply nodded. He couldn’t deny Eiji right now, especially after trying to get the boy to trust him over the last four days.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he got in the bed he slowly wrapped his arms around Eiji, giving him plenty of time to pull away if he needed. Instead Eiji just let Ash hold him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to stop? Or is this okay?” Ash asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t leave me,” Eiji whispered, burrowing into Ash’s chest. Ash held him tight much like how he did in the kitchen, never wanting to let Eiji go. “I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eiji, stop. I’m not mad, I could never be mad at you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, this is something we will work through together and I will never blame you for something you couldn’t control,” Ash finalized their conversation and Eiji let out a tired sigh. After a while Ash could hear the sounds of Eiji’s deep breathing once again and squeezed him slightly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cursing his nightmares and Dino.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Happy holidays everyone! Thank you for reading!❤️</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey guys! I'm back. I hope you guys had a good Christmas. And I hope for anyone who doesn't celebrate that you just had a good holiday. :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The sun broke just over the neighboring building, splatters of yellow, orange, pink and a little bit of purple painted the sky. From the crack in the curtains he could just slightly see the pale moon fighting the rising sun. Ash wasn’t sure what time it was but he didn’t want to move. The warmth of the comforter held him in a tight hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he rolled over he was alarmed. Eiji wasn’t there and his pillow was missing. Ash tried to sort out where he might have gone, noticing the bathroom door was ajar but the room empty. As he stood up he tried to clear his mind of the worst case scenarios. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There weren't many places in the condo so it wouldn’t be hard to tell if Eiji left. He checked the kitchen and the living room before staring at the closed door to the office. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Please be here Eiji. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Ash thought as he opened the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To his relief the Japanese boy was there, facing the grand window, watching the sun rise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Morning,” Ash spoke softly, trying not to startle the boy. It didn’t go unnoticed by Ash the way Eiji flinched at his voice but he stepped closer behind him. “Can I sit?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eiji only nodded in response, not looking at the blond as he sat down on the floor next to him. The rising sun’s rays reflected in Eiji’s eyes and gleamed against his unshed tears. His pillow was clenched tightly to his chest. The blond fought hard not to jump at Eiji’s quiet voice as he spoke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know last night, when I said I was sorry?” Ash nodded, encouraging him to continue. “I don’t think you understood what I meant.” Eiji’s voice was level, almost numb as he spoke, not looking at Ash.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The last time we spoke to each other before…” Eiji sighed, not wanting to say the man’s name. “Before all that, you told me you were never going to leave me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I meant that Eiji,” Ash was confused as to where he might be going with this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you did. But...it became harder and harder to believe you. H-he...he drugged me everyday. It made me lose track of time, I wasn’t even sure what month it was half the time. I lost faith in you Ash. I betrayed what I thought was the thing that kept us close.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eiji…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It felt like I was losing you every day I was there. I lost faith in you because I wasn’t strong enough,” Eiji finally turned to the blond, his face was still neutral but tears fell as he spoke. Ash could feel the lump in his throat forming. “I told you I would always be by your side but I broke that promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eiji, I don’t…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So when I said I was sorry last night, that’s what I meant. I don’t blame you,” Eiji turned back towards the window and watched the sun with intensity. “I blame myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eiji, it wasn’t your job to keep that faith alive, it was mine. I’m the one who was supposed to protect you in this situation.” Ash’s eyes became blurry with tears as he reached a hand towards Eiji’s. The Japanese boy flinched at the blond’s touch and more tears fell.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How can you say that? I can barely stand you touching me and you don’t think that’s my fault?” Eiji was looking back at him now, his big brown eyes piercing into Ash’s green ones.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No I don’t. That will never be your fault. It’s Dino’s, he did this to you,” Eiji shuddered at Golzine’s name and bowed his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you leave please?” The boy’s voice whispered. He couldn’t look at Ash anymore, his shame ripping a hole in his heart. Ash nodded as the lump in his throat grew. He didn’t want to leave Eiji with these thoughts but he didn’t know what else to do. He didn’t let his tears fall completely until the door shut and he slid down the opposite wall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He buried his face in his knees as he cried, hoping to conceal his sobs from Eiji.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well this is a shock, the wild Lynx brought to tears.” Ash froze at the voice. Looking up he found Yut-Lung perched on the back of the couch, his mouth held a mocking smirk but his eyes held something Ash couldn’t place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the fuck are you doing here? How did you get in here?” Ash stood quickly, drawing his gun from his waistband. He pointed it straight at the Chinese boy and let it graze his jaw.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You really think I can’t get past a simple condo lock? Even you can do that,” Yut-Lung pushed the gun pointed at his face with two fingers as he stood. “Now for why I’m here. I needed to see if the rumors were true.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the hell are you on about?” Ash let Yut-Lung move his gun positioning but still kept it trained on his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I heard you had a messed up kitten and I felt the need to give him some perspective.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re out of your mind if you think I’m letting you talk to Eiji. He’s already had enough trauma from people like, he doesn’t need more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh how I pity you Ash Lynx. It must be hard seeing someone try to imagine what you went through. He won’t understand so why keep humoring him.” Yut-Lung spoke as he smoothed out his dress shirt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What exactly do you think happened to Eiji? You think Golzine just dressed him up for parties and treated him like a pampered poodle?” Ash's hands shook. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before the Chinese boy could speak, the squeak of a door drew both their attention. Eiji stepped out with a frightened look, his eyes bouncing from Ash to Yut-Lung.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what’s going on? Why is he here?” Ash could see Eiji slowly wrap his hands around a small potted succulent on the table behind him as he spoke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Long time no see Eiji. I just came to ask you a few questions, maybe even give advice,” Yut-Lung smiled at him but his eyes narrowed. “I figured I could make a few things clear to you too.” Before Ash could speak, Eiji's voice cut him off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What exactly is your point? Trying to come here and tell me how I weigh Ash down? I don’t need you to tell me something I already know.” Eiji’s eyes became dark with something Ash had never seen before. Even Yut-Lung looked taken aback by the sudden shift.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My point is that you will never understand the real hurt of this world. How would you?” Yut-Lung questioned. “Besides you seem to be this end all be all savior. Helping lift everyone around you. Yet you hold him here, trying to show him you empathize with him,” He gestured towards Ash with his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What the Chinese boy, or even Ash for that matter, didn’t expect was for Eiji to throw the potted plant in his hand at Yut-Lung. The boy barely had time to move his face as it collided with a lamp behind him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You think I do not understand! So the everlasting taste in my mouth of that man is just illusion? The fact that I can still feel his hands all over my body, inside me! Is just something I misunderstood? I wish everyday I could pretend it did not happen. Over and over and over again.” Eiji’s english broke the more he yelled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ash’s heart shattered as he spoke, sending a vicious look at Yut-Lung for bringing this out of Eiji.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you truly think by coming here you could drag me any lower than where I already am? Or let me see, are you upset that you did not get chance to be ‘saved’ by me before I got fucked? I am sorry. That must have been hard for you!” Ash stepped forward as Eiji jumped, clutching the Japanese boy to his chest, preventing him from going after Yut-Lung. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eiji reacted in an instant, lashing out against Ash as if he were being viciously attacked. Yut-Lung’s eyes widened as Eiji raked Ash’s arms with his nails and left bleeding welts up and down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ash, stop! Please let go!” Ash let go in an instant as Eiji’s voice cracked. His face was stained with tears once again but what hurt Ash was that it was partly his fault.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eiji, I-I’m sorry, I didn't mean to…” He reached a hand towards the boy as he shook.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t!” Everything they had built over the last five days was gone instantly. Eiji was staring fearfully at his hand, much like the first time he woke up. A look of shame flashed in the Japanese boy’s eyes as he looked at Ash’s hand “I’m sorry,” he whispered, running back to the bedroom and locking the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> Ash was left staring after him and his mind sending him alarm bells that Yut-Lung was still in their house. He turned to him with a fierce glare and grabbed the Chinese boy by the front of his shirt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you ever come back to this house I will kill you. This isn’t a threat anymore, it’s a promise,” he dragged the boy to the door and shoved him out. Locking the door behind him, Ash melted to the floor. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Damn it! </span>
  </em>
  <span>Ash thought. He could hear Eiji’s cries from the bedroom but knew it was probably best to leave him be for the time being. “I’m sorry Eiji.” The blond whispered into the air as he buried his head in his hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eiji ended up staying in the bedroom for the rest of the day. Ash on the other hand walked nervously around the condo, going near the bedroom door and allowing his hand to hover gently on the knob before walking away again. Everytime he tried to speak to Eiji he was met with quiet sobs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually the dark night took over the day. The blond knew he would be sleeping on the couch, due to the locked bedroom door and it hurt his heart. As he filled a small glass with water he began to let his mind roam.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What would Griff do? He was always good at making people feel better.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Ash could feel more sadness rip into his chest as he thought of his brother. Before he knew it he was in front of the bedroom door again. Nerves began to build and the blond almost turned around before the voice in his head spoke out again. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Do this for Eiji.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He glanced down at the glass in his hand and knocked on the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eiji? I’m...I’m going to bed okay? I brought some water for you.” He set it against the door frame as he spoke. “It’s just outside the door so you can come get it whenever you want. I’m gonna be right outside on the couch if you need me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ash received no response and bowed his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodnight Eiji.” As the blond walked away he was unaware of the dejected voice that followed after him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“G-goodnight Ash.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This one was another long one. Here's hoping as I get more chapters written they will get longer haha. Thank you for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi guys! Happy new years eve, I'm so ready for this year to be over. This is probably my shortest update but I have kind of been in a writing slump so I would rather upload what I have written rather than write something longer that I don't love or is not good quality for you guys. I hope you guys still enjoy though it's short!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>His breaths came out of his nose in small clouds as he shivered. The temperature in the freezer seemed to get colder the longer he was in there and the meat hanging from the ceiling did not ease Eiji’s mind. The Japanese boy could feel his head lolling from side to side, trying to stay up right.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span> He had been man-handled all morning with Dino’s men forcing pill after pill down his throat until he was barely even conscious. Bright colors swirled in Eiji’s vision and everything had an orange outlined hue. The more he refused the pills the angrier Golzine had gotten and ended up throwing him in the freezer as a sick form of punishment.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He now sat on the cold floor, his arms tied behind him and around a metal pipe while his legs were bound tightly together in front of him. The drool on his chin had frozen long ago, produced by the heavy drugs in his system and the dirty rag forced in his mouth.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Eiji whimpered as a thin layer of frost coated his body and more cold air pumped through the vents above him. He thought briefly about Ash before stopping his thoughts all together. The boy wasn’t sure when his eyes shut but they snapped open at the sound of the freezer door slamming open.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>His body felt extremely warm and his head was even fuzzier than before. Golzine walked in with a sly smirk as he bent down in front of the boy, ripping the gag out in the process. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Rabbit look at the mess you’re in, you’re practically blue. But then again who’s fault is that, hmm,” the large man wrapped a hand around Eiji’s chin and roughly pulled his head up to look at him. Eiji’s lips trembled but he said nothing. “Who’s. Fault. Is. That?” Dino’s hand gripped harder causing the Japanese boy to cry out.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“M-mine.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“And what do we say about that pet?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I-I’m...I’m sorry papa,” the man smiled at the response and forced Eiji’s lips roughly onto his own. The boy just shut his eyes and allowed Dino’s tongue to roam his mouth as he pleased, silent tears falling down his face.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Eiji’s eyes opened in a flash, a small jolt from his body waking him from his flashback. His heart hammered in his chest and radiated through his ears as he looked around. He was still in the condo bedroom which was a welcomed surprise to the boy. His throat felt dry and eyes heavy as he began to sit up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The bed sheets were wrapped tightly around his limbs and it took everything in Eiji not to rip them from his body. His head was pounding as he tried to remember what happened the night before. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I was with Ash and then Ibe-san but then Ash came back again? Then we fell asleep and we...</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Eiji halted his thoughts, remembering what he had said to Ash that morning in the office. He had apologized but that didn’t explain why he felt the way he did now. Deciding to at least try to feel normal he went to the bathroom to brush his teeth, his mind still swirling and attempting to remember. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I was in the office with Ash and I asked him to leave but why did I follow him? Why did I...?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He dropped his tooth brush with a start and looked at himself in the mirror. His face was blotchy, eyes puffy and red, and cheeks extremely pale. Eiji could hear his voice echoing through his head as it continued to yell. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Yut-Lung.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I yelled at him. I...I-I told him all those t-things and I,” the Japanese boy stopped himself as another thought came to his head. “Oh my god Ash was t-there, h-he heard it a-all.” The burning in the back of his throat returned and Eiji all but threw himself in front of the toilet, wanting so desperately to get rid of that taste. His fingers dug deep and continued until the fluid came up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt so tired, tears building in his eyes but not falling. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You’re pathetic, there are people who have been through so much worse and you’re acting like this?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The voice in Eiji’s head mocked him senselessly as he gripped the counter for support, wiping his nose that started bleeding from the pressure. His stomach ached with a new pain, Eiji’s eyes landing on the medicine cabinet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Opening the cabinet, he was met with tons of different pill bottles, all ranging in colors and pill sizes inside. He recognized ibuprofen and snatched it out of the cabinet. Taking four, he swallowed them all dry and glanced back through the medicine cabinet in the process. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>One bottle caught his eye and the name on it burned his eyes as he reached for it.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Shorter Wong</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Diazepam 5mg</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Dr. Lewis</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Eiji’s mind sped through so many thoughts as his grip tightened on the bottle. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Shorter was on diazepam? But why? Did it work for him? Would it...work for me?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The Japanese boy had heard of the medication before but never taken it himself. He did however know what it did and how it could help patients. He glanced at the date to ensure that it was at least sort of recent and found himself trembling.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I can’t do this to him. He wouldn’t want me to...I’m selfish for even thinking of taking this. I...</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Eiji could feel tears on his cheeks, his only form of relief glaring him straight in the face with no mercy. The pill inside the bottle rattled as his hands shook. The boy let out a broken sigh as he unscrewed the lid and shook a pill into his hand. With another sigh he dry swallowed that pill too, looking at himself in the mirror once more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry Shorter. I just can’t do this alone anymore,” he looked down at the pills, hating himself for needing the drug to ease his mind. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please please don't ever do what Eiji does in this chapter! First, it is very dangerous to take any medication if not prescribed to you. Second I wanted to say that I tried to do as much research as I possibly could on Diazepam and hope that I don't offend anyone with how I use it in this story moving forward. If any of you guys take it or know someone that takes it please let me know if I get anything wrong as the story goes along. Thank you for reading guys!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello my beautiful readers! So I apologize for such a late update, I am unfortunately back at college now so the updates will be slower. I do however promise that this story is not abandoned in anyway</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It took the boy a good thirty minutes to finally get the courage to leave the bathroom, the bedroom door still tightly locked. He briefly glanced over at the beds and guilt flooded through him once more. Ash’s bed laided neat and untouched. <em> Oh Ash. </em></p><p>He soon found himself in front of the locked door and his hands shook as they gripped the handle. Throbbing pains returned to his temple and Eiji shut his eyes tightly as he waited for it to leave. <em> I weigh him down. I always have. </em></p><p>Clutching the door handle, he twisted it slowly, attempting to make as little noise as possible. As he peeked his head out of the small crack in the door he noticed the water Ash had left him last night. He stared it down before opening the door fully and grabbing the glass.</p><p>
  <em> What do I even do to make this go away? There can’t be some secret could there? </em>
</p><p>Eiji argued over and over again with himself as he walked down the hall. The condo had a dark cloudy haze over it, the colors muted, the shadows from the rain falling outside reflect onto the wood floors. Soft snores could be heard from the living room, the Japanese boy turning the corner quickly, Ash sprawled out on the grey sofa. His blanket had fallen off the top half of his body and his right arm dangled off the edge of the sofa.</p><p>Eiji gnawed on his lower lip as he looked at the sleepy blond, guilt overflowing his brain once more. <em> How long will he stay before he leaves me? He must be tired. It’s like Yut-Lung said, I only way him down. </em>The boy looked down at his feet and his body trembled.</p><p>
  <em> But...but maybe he… </em>
</p><p>“<em>Ah yes because he always chooses you.” </em></p><p>Dino's voice echoed through Eiji’s head, his eyesight becoming blurring with tears.</p><p><em> “That’s why he killed his best friend, for a boy he barely knows.” </em> The boy’s breaths came out of his nose in frantic puffs as he bit harder on his lip. Eiji was only faintly aware of the taste of blood in his mouth.</p><p>“Eiji?” The Japanese boy’s head shot up at the new voice. Ash’s jade green eyes bore into him, his eyelids crinkled with worry as he watched Eiji. The boy in question just stared straight back at the blond and attempted to even his breathing. Ash’s eyes continued to scan over Eiji until they halted on his bottom lip. “Eiji you’re bleeding.”</p><p>The Japanese boy brought his hand to his lip, pulling it away to find droplets of dark crimson glaring back at him. Wordlessly Eiji walked to the sink and wet a paper towel. As he did so Ash stood from the couch, following slowly behind the Japanese, and waited by the counter. </p><p>“It is nothing. I’m fine,” Eiji spoke, his voice raspy from crying earlier in the bathroom, as he felt Ash’s eyes on him. The blond frowned as he watched Eiji. </p><p>“Eiji, are you sure you’re…”</p><p>“I said I’m fine Ash!” Eiji’s eyes glared at him, not with anger, but pain and fear as he slammed the hand holding the towel to his lip down on the counter. The Japanese boy looked down in shame as regret poured through him as soon as he spoke. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>“It’s okay,” The blond’s voice was barely above a whisper, his hand shaking as it rested on Eiji’s on the counter. Seeing that the Japanese was not pulling away, Ash slowly took the wet paper towel in his hand and brought it back to Eiji’s lip.</p><p>The both stood in silence and the only sound produced was from the now pouring raining pounding against the window. Eiji refused to let his eyes meet Ash’s while the blond just carried on with his task of stopping the bleeding on Eiji’s lip. Ash’s hand squeezed Eiji’s slightly as he pulled the towel away.</p><p>“Listen, I don’t want to force you to talk to me but I...I want you to know you can if you…” Ash’s voice was cut off as Eiji’s eyes finally met his. The Japanese’s eyes were hollow and his face was set in a neutral expression.</p><p>“Like I said Ash, I’m fine. So please stop worrying so much,” Eiji’s voice had a perky edge to it but his face held nothing. Ash could only stare in disbelief as Eiji maneuvered around him to grab two coffee cups, setting the stove on high to warm the kettle.</p><p>And so it went on for the rest of the week with their odd and almost haunting routine. Every morning at 8 Eiji would leave the bedroom and make him and Ash coffee, cutting fruit for Ash and leaving it in the fridge. Then he would sit in the living room staring out the window until Ash got up and he would continue his staring in the office. To anyone outside the situation they would have thought Eiji was just extremely anti-social and Ash wished that were true.</p><p>He would have gladly preferred it over reality. Eiji had allowed Ash to sleep in the bedroom once more but always faced away from the blond. Most nights the Japanese was woken up by yet another nightmare and Ash would just lie awake with him on his bed until Eiji fell back to sleep.</p><p>Their routine weighed Ash’s heart down everyday. The only bright side was that he was able to get Eiji to eat dinner with him. However their routine didn’t seem to be just weighing Ash down but Eiji as well.</p><p>As he glanced down at the busy streets of New York he longed to be a part of society again. But as soon as those thoughts began to sneak into his mind he forced them out, not being able to bear the thought of being surrounded by so many people. It was almost torture in a way as Eiji kept forcing himself to watch the people below live their best lives.</p><p>Ash took notice of Eiji’s dilemma as he tried to think of a way to help Eiji through this. An idea struck him one day as he talked to Max on the phone one late night.</p><p>“I just don’t know what to do Max. The last thing I should do is force him back into society, especially in god forsaken New York of all places. But he’s hurting himself staying in this place. It’s suffocating him.”</p><p>“<em> I’m sorry kid...You know I might have an idea. It might not work but...I uh I guess it can’t hurt” </em></p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>
  <em> “A lot of my old buddies from the military struggle with the same problem Eiji is facing. Wanting to join the world but being scared of what can hurt you in it.” </em>
</p><p>“Max, please tell me you have a point.” The blond didn’t mean to snap at the man, after all he was only trying to help, but he didn’t have time to worry about some guys he didn’t know when he was still worrying about Eiji’s struggles.</p><p>“<em>Right sorry. Anyways, a lot of them got into camping or moved to more remote places. Like my buddy Sid got some property up in the Colorado mountains. He says he is more at ease with the small town, doesn’t feel like he’s forced to be a social person.” </em></p><p>“How am I supposed to find anything like that out here? It’s not like…”</p><p>“Ash?”</p><p>“I have to go. Thanks Max, you really helped.”</p><p>A couple days later Ash knocked on the office door, Eiji’s quiet ‘come in’ beckoning him inside. Eiji was sitting where he always was, a quilt blanket draped over his shoulders and his eyes focused on the distance horizon. </p><p>“Is everything alright?” The Japanese’s hushed voice startled the blond as he spoke. Eiji had said so few words to him as of late, it caught him off guard when the Japanese did speak.</p><p>“Yeah, I just wanted to talk to you about something,” Ash took Eiji’s slow blink as a cue to continue. “I was thinking, and you can say no, but I was thinking that maybe it was time that we get out of this apartment.”</p><p>The Japanese boy’s eyes widened as the blond spoke, looking away from him.</p><p>“Eiji, we don’t have to leave, I was just thinking…”</p><p>“Where?” He questioned softly.</p><p>“I was thinking Cape Cod. It’s quiet and we wouldn’t be around barley anyone. Like I said I’m not trying to make you do this I just figured you are alway just trapped in this room and I...I just…”</p><p>“Okay.” Ash snapped his eyes up to look at the boy.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Okay. Let’s go to Cape Cod.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you guys enjoyed! As always thank you so much for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi loveys'! I hope you enjoy this chapter, finally Ash and especially Eiji are able to breathe without New York being in their way.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The man’s voice on the radio was scrambled at best, broadcasting crappy music and even worse jokes in between breaks. Ash had decided it was the best he could get out in the middle of nowhere, besides it was more background noise then anything else. He glanced quietly over at Eiji sitting in the passenger seat. The blond could tell by his breathing that the Japanese boy wasn’t sleeping but his eyes sat half open.</p><p>Eiji leaned heavily against the door as he watched the world fly by him. The warmth of the car clashed with the cold radiating on his head from where it rested on the window. Much like for the last couple of months, the Japanese boy had hardly said anything most of the drive, content on staring at the scenery.</p><p>The Japanese boy played absently with the long black strands of his hair falling in his face. He had yet to uncurl from the odd fetal position he started in three hours ago but the blanket, once tucked tightly around him, hung loose in his lap. Eiji’s thoughts swirled from topic to topic and each seemed to bring a new sort of pain to his heart, weighing it down heavily.</p><p>
  <em> Eiji stared blankly at the small duffel bag in front of him. For the most part he had seemed to manage packing on his own just fine. In most cases he would have had a list made in advance, ensuring he would bring everything he could possibly need, however he seemed to be drawing a blank on his necessities now. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The more the Japanese boy stared the more he noticed that his vision was starting to cloud, the side of his head producing a dull ache. Groaning, he placed a hand over his eyes. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Hey Eiji, you alright?” The boy in question didn’t even have the energy to jump as Ash’s voice carried through the room suddenly. Instead he continued to blink constantly, attempting to clear his vision. He can feel Ash’s worried hand on his shoulder. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> After about another minute the clouds began to dissipate as Eiji looked into the blond’s jade eyes. The fear that glared back at the Japanese boy made him shiver, guilt rising in his chest. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “S-sorry, I’m okay,” he whispered. If Ash didn’t believe him he didn’t voice it, instead the blond gently guided Eiji to the foot of the bed. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Why don’t I finish getting your stuff packed yeah?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Ash I told you I’m fine, you don’t have to…” Eiji cut off as a thought crossed his mind. “Actually, I-I wouldn’t mind the help. I’ll be right back,” Before the blond could protest, the Japanese boy sluggishly made his way to the bathroom, locking the door behind him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> As Eiji starred in the mirror his vision began to cloud once more, this time only slightly. The boy scrubbed his cheeks in frustration at this and attempted to take in deep breaths. As he did so his eyes landed on the medicine cabinet, remembering the whole point of him being in the bathroom in the first place. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Without hesitation, Eiji grabbed the diazepam bottle in his hand and through it in a small bag with the rest of his toiletries. Leaving the bathroom satisfied, the boy entered the bedroom once more. Ash was sitting on the bed waiting for him anxiously and perked up with The Japanese boy entered. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Everything alright, you...kind of left fast.” Eiji allowed the question to hang in the air as he put the toiletry bag in his duffel. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I’m okay Ash,” the Japanese boy then pushed aside his growing panic and stiffly hugged Ash. The blond let out a tight sigh as he slowly returned the hug, his arms loose around Eiji’s slender frame. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Meanwhile Eiji could only pray Ash couldn't feel his heart rapidly pounding through his shirt. As he began to feel his legs shake, the Japanese boy buried his face in the blond’s shoulder, smothering the panicked whine that threatened to rip out of his throat. </em>
</p><p>Eiji blinked his tired eyes and refocused on the world around him. The car was still moving at a swift pace down the road, lushish tree passing at high speeds. He shifted ever so slightly, allowing his posture to be more open towards Ash. Noticing Eiji shift, Ash turned down the volume to the radio and glanced at him.</p><p>“Hey,” the blond’s voice was quiet but grounding in a way. Eiji could feel himself melt in his chair and forced a small smile.</p><p>“Hi...where are we?” He asked, looking around sleepily.</p><p>“About ten minutes out from the house,” Eiji nodded once at that, turning his gaze back to the window. The pair didn’t say another word to each other for the last ten minutes.</p><p>As Ash pulled up to the house Eiji let his gaze rise once more. The small beach house stared back at him as the Japanese boy slowly exited the car.</p><p>“I’m gonna take these inside,” Ash’s voice called out to him, carrying their bags towards the house. Eiji gave him a small smile in return, nodding his head ever so slightly. As soon as Ash turned his back towards him Eiji allowed his smile to fall.</p><p>He allowed his eyes to scan more around him and eventually locked onto the ocean. Glancing back at the house Eiji walked towards the shore, the tall grass tickling his hands as they rested by his side.</p><p>The sparkling blue shimmered a welcome in Eiji’s dark eyes and entranced him as he stopped near a dirt ledge. Eiji found his eyes drawn to it, even as he bent down to pick up a few rocks that lay scattered about. Reverently, he placed his hand on the ground behind him, before sitting with his legs crossed. Looking to the right, empty grass stared back as a cold wind blew through his ears, the mist from the ocean making his hair curl slightly.</p><p>His eyes shone against the setting sun and he took a deep breath in, allowing the salted air to nuzzle into his lungs. He drew his knees up to his chest and hugged them tightly. A content sigh passed his lips in the process.</p><p>From afar Ash watched Eiji from the deck, deciding it was best to leave him be.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading! As always, see you next chapter!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Not a story update!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hi everyone!</p><p>This is unfortunately is probably not the update you guys are looking for but I wanted to let you guys know what was going on with this story.</p><p>To start off, no this story is not abandoned! I still really love this story but I needed to put it a side for a little to re think some plot points and the overall story. I burnt my self out with not having an update schedule and I think that caused problems for the fic. I kind of lost the inspiration for this story and wasn't sure what to write. I have had the tenth chapter drafted since February but I haven't loved what I've written. And the most important thing to me is giving you guys good content to read. </p><p>I also had first time author dumb moments such as not pre writing chapters in advance like some of the stories I plan on uploading in the future. Once again I do apologize to you guys and for anyone still here I really appreciate you!</p><p>Now to what you guys are probably wanting to here. I plan on updating this fic in the summer. With school it has been really hard to find time to write new chapters but once summer hits I plan on getting so many more things done. </p><p>For now I'm going to focus on my pre written stories and one-shots, hopefully they will help me find the motivation again.</p><p>Like I said I truly appreciate everyone who has left kudos, comments, or just read this story.</p>
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